This whole journey has been one hell of a ride so far. Life of recovery has by far superseded any of my expectations. I had no idea what to expect when I embarked on this journey of self-discovery. To be honest, I don't even remember the person I was when this all started. I do remember thinking I had all the answers very early on. One of my favorite sayings used to be "they don't have a clue!" It always seemed to escape me, that I didn't either.
I am not sure where exactly my life is heading at the moment however, it's time to take the next step. The thing about being on a journey that pertains to self, is it's never ending. So there are always moments to grow and opportunities to evolve. The problem for me lately is that I haven't been able to narrow down what path to take. How do you start to truly help others, if you yourself still have work to do? Easily, you become their starting point, you give them a place to come where they are not alone. To share my story and to continue to live a life of simplicity. Now, as much as I would like to live of the grid, that is not at all what I am referring to. The simplicity that I am referring to, is the one where I don't complicate or overthink EVERY little thing in my life.
I am tired of second guessing myself,doubting my ability to be successful. There really isn't nothing in my life that I didn't accomplish once I decided to just do it. I haven't had a needle in my arm or picked up a drink in over five years. I was homeless and now I am a homeowner. There are multiple things that I can say to prove my worth. It isn't until I actually believe it, that things will start to develop. Well that time has finally come, every word I have written, every tear that has ever fallen down my face or the face of someone I hurt has been leading up to this. It all has to make sense, there has to be a point to it. I have turned pain into purpose and addiction into ambition. I still get a little ahead of myself and try to do more than I should. However, it's different now, I am beginning to really find my groove. To understand my identity, which has helped me overcome so much.
It's funny, lately people are asking me what is wrong. I was very surprised by these question, since I have never been more at peace with who I am and how I got here. I learned the hard way every step of the way. I made a shit ton of bad choices, I believed in people I shouldn't have. I looked for my validity in others. All these things that I was doing was essentially causing me a ton of harm. I was allowing the conditioning of the past to spill over into my now. It takes a lot of willingness and determination to not be stuck in mediocrity. I could very easy fall back into that mundane routine of existing, NO THANKS. Like I said earlier, I am not sure where this journey takes me, I just know it's time to go. Stick around, shits about to get real. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.