I had a conversation today with my boss, and she said she wanted me to be happy with my wage, and we devised a plan to make that a reality. Yesterday I was asked to speak at a college here in the town where I work to a bunch of future teachers. Every day I get up and go to work, and my focus is on improving the quality of life for others. Yes, I get paid for what I do; however, I love my job. I love my job because a lot of times it isn't work. I get to talk with people who are well-versed in life. Some of them are as old as 100+. I get to hear their stories and experiences, and the best part is I also receive their love!
All these things are possible because I made some really hard choices in my life. Everything I have done over the past four years has led me to these crossroads. I have done a lot of work to get where I am, doors were opened, and I walked through them. I say that I am at a crossroads because of the change in my mindset. I did away with the 'I'm never going to be any more than I am now" way of thinking. I can now meet my problems where they are. Everything is not the end of the world, so there is no need for me to act accordingly. Meeting my problems where they are meant learning to understand my emotions so I can determine a proper response. Not everything that makes me uncomfortable requires anger. On my journey of self-recovery, I realized that finding peace is the ultimate goal. In speaking with myself, (yes, I said myself), I had to decide what it was worth. This peace that I so feverishly sought out came with a price. I had to eliminate things that were not in line with my quest. I am talking about things I didn't even know were in my way. People that I just knew were always going to be there in some form were all gone. Some have lost their battles with addiction, and others just didn't have a place on this new journey. That was the most challenging part for me; by not having much blood family, these people had become part of my dysfunction. I would risk being alone; I would do whatever I had the power to do to survive, at least until I learned how to live.
I am still learning today, and I know I will always be on this journey. That the man looking at this screen right now might not even be here next week. I don't mean death- which is a possibility for everyone- change happens just that quick. The moment you put value on something, it becomes a priority. So ask yourself what brings value to your life? It's not up to me to tell you what that is; I know what I chase daily. I work because I am rewarded in ways I could never make you understand with words. I eat because I must, and I am also a foodie. I breathe because I need it to sustain life. However, I also breathe when I need to calm down. The love and respect of my children are something that I chase with the same fierceness as my recovery.
And it all has a price tag on it; the question is, what is it worth to you? Losing time away from my loved ones to better our future was a necessary evil for me. Nobody would hire me for the jobs I wanted because I didn't have a degree. It didn't matter that I was more qualified than most people with a master's degree. I had to pay my dues; honestly, it makes it much more rewarding. So I dug in and pushed through it and honestly, I look back and it wasn't hard but it sure and the hell wasn't easy. Today I put value on my problems and I do it so I don't ever lose sight of my goal. Today my goal is peace and now that I understand what that truly means to me, I know how to go after it. The only way I know how, LIKE A WARRIOR!!!
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